The Evolutionary Dating series
Part -I-
~Navigating the Do's and Don'ts of First Dates~
Are you newly single and ready to date again, are you about to go on a first date or have you been dating for a while without true success?
Regardless of your relationship status there are literally millions of Articles videos blogs and books out there that will provide you with the advice you need from the beginning to the end of your potential relationship. And though these tools are intended to help it can get really confusing out there for singles who are trying to meet someone special. After all should the first date be like a job interview?
Well in some ways it is. Every time you go out to meet someone new you are presenting yourself to them for the first time and so of course you want to be at your best and you also want that person to be someone you can picture yourself with for commitment or companionship depending on what you are seeking. Often preparing for the first date involves questions and conversation to determine whether or not meeting would be the right thing for the both of you. And then of course there are all of those guidelines out there and maybe you do some Googling before your day to find the right tips to give you the best edge for a successful experience on that first date.
As a trusted advisor and manifestation counselor for many singles I do help people find and build sucessful relationships and I know there's a lot of preparation that goes into dating.
Yet success of my work largely depends on my clients and if they reach this goal I know they will reach the success that they deserve in relationships and in all aspects of life.
Here it is, are you ready?
Be true to yourself. If you read no further than that you will have everything you need to find love.
And yet the simplest words can also be so hard to follow or really even to understand.
Being true to oneself means understanding yourself at the core level and when you do this you will find all the joy and success you need regardless of your goal.
So let's reframe this dating thing now and see it as an opportunity to evolve to grow and to know oneself.
Follow whatever guidelines you want as long as you are not compromising your identity in any way. It's okay to get out of your comfort zone because that's how you grow and at the same time when something is uncomfortable to you because it is not a reflection of who you are or what you're looking for then it will not get you to the destination you seek.
So go ahead buy those new shoes, trim that beard, practice the art of listening, turn the cell phone off, and find the best atmosphere. But don't I repeat Don't ever feel like you have to compromise yourself to have a successful dating experience.
Example - Dating tip: you need to come prepared to share culled pieces of information and use those bits to fill any uncomfortable silence that comes up. Well the truth is if you are a quiet person and filling the void of silence with rehearsed words is not at all representing you or your character then don't. Let him or her speak or try honesty - "hey I am definitely an introvert but I am really enjoying our date so maybe you can tell me a little more about yourself or we can just enjoy the silence. " Speak or don't speak, whatever captures your essence.
Likewise do not allow yourself to accept any behaviours that would not be acceptable to you in the long term just because there is chemistry between you and your date. That does not mean you cannot practice tolerance or reevaluate your expectations that may no longer reflect what you desire, but if there is a make or break don't perpetuate the situation as it will only get harder and harder to detach with time.
Example: You meet someone online whose profile matches extremely well with yours. You text/email/chat back and forth and it only confirms your compatibility. You explain to your potential date you are working overtime all week and you are not able to do lengthy phone conversation. You go out and have a great date. You make plans for date two and you tell your potential amour that you are so looking forward to the upcoming day to meet in person again and your match then proceeds to blow up your phone with texts and even a few vms and seems irritated you did not respond until you got home from work.
Something doesn't feel right to you and rightfully so. Your future date is not only displaying very clingy behavior, it is also not compatible with the independent person you seek or the lifestyle you lead. Ask yourself what a future would be like dating this person and how your life would look if you were to accommodate his/her expectations. Would it support you to grow as a person or suppress your desires and joy? As you cancel date two and all future dates you feel an overwhe;lming relief!
Later you read all the google articles describing possessive behavior and manipulation tactics as well as an analysis of the psyche of this personality type. In the end however it is your instinct and your ability to stay connected to your relationship goals that makes the decision for you. Each time we trust ourselves we come to know ourselves on a deeper level and in turn we attract that which is in better alignment with what we seek.
So don't throw out your dating guides, also cultivate all tools and techniques that will support self knowing and self care so that you may attract what is dear to your heart and good for your soul. Sometimes that may be one very enlightening date and other times it may last a lifetime.
Enjoy all the experiences and Be True to you!
Sasiyet: Laugh Together