Evolutionary Dating Series
Part -2-
Attraction Alchemy
I Really Like Him..
Now What Do I Do?
Life After the 4th Date
Well it happened.... After navigating the online scene, joining many different community events, getting connected through a friend, at a party , whenever or whatever happened, you finally met someone that you click with. Not only have you clicked with this person but you have been out on several dates. Now what? Here are some suggestions that will improve the quality of your dating life and help you to build a successful relationship if that is indeed what you both want.
So the first thing is Relax! That may be hard for many, because in this world the right person may seem hard to come by. At the same time whatever you seek in another must first be something contained within yourself. In other words you can only admire qualities in another if you can identify them. So whether he/she is intelligent, attractive, hard working etc. you can only recognize those qualities if they are familiar to you. Furthermore we only draw to us what we put out into the world. So that person is a reflection of your own intelligence, diligence, attractiveness etc. Just as you admire that person, you too are very worthy and just as much a catch to that person as they are to you. That is of course if they are meant to be anyone long term in your life. So Relax and be authentic so that you can truly get to know each other.
Ok now that you are relaxed how about learning more about that person? Listen carefully to what they say and what they don't say. Listening is an art and one that requires an open mind. This means when your newfound love is gazing into your eyes and telling you about their beliefs, likes, dislikes, try to keep a completely open mind. Try not to be distracted by the dazzle of their eyes or the concern you may have a hair out of place. When they speak, make it about them not you. Listening is the number one way to connect to someone on a very deep level.
And it is also what they don't say. Watch body language. Often when someone crosses their arms, it means they are closing off to something. As well when someone lightly touches you during conversation it is an indicator of affection. When someone is imitating your body language or posture, that is also a sign of admiration. Keep in mind some cues maybe cultural. Are you concerned they are not making eye contact? That could very well be because in many cultures direct eye contact is considered a sign of disrespect. If that person is different from you in some way, try to take time to ask questions and, in doing so, you build relationship and discover a new world at the same time.
Let's go deeper now. You really like this person and at the same time the direction things go in depends on both of you. So allow things to happen and avoid self sabotage. Here's a scenario that happens more commonly than not. Perhaps this person is exceptionally considerate and kind and your past was filled with dysfunction. Accept kindness and compliments and avoid creating dysfunction by treating the current person as you treated previous people. Open your mind and heart to a completely new experience.
Don't be afraid to ask trusted and valued family members and friends what they think about your relationship choices, and, if the timing is right, introduce them to the new person in a relaxed environment. Often the people we love can see things we do not.
In some cases past wounds run deep and require forgiveness of the past. In some cases counseling or some other form of release work may be necessary so that you can be fully present with this new person. A good relationship always is an opportunity to grow, so be open to that and level up to this new unfolding for both of you.
Clearly communicate the things that are important to you. That means if monogamy, marriage, children or an alternative lifestyle are goals of yours, don't be afraid to share that. Sometimes we are afraid to discover that the person we like does not share the same vision we do. In some cases you may discover differences that can be adapted to. This means you and /or your partner are willing to expand your vision to include each other's values and goals. In those cases it is NOT a compromise. Whenever we feel like we are compromising something in a relationship it typically leads to resentment. When we open to new ways of being and doing and are excited about that then it is a willingness to grow.
In other cases the differences may be big ones and unfortunately you may discover that after the feelings develop. Do not manipulate or try to change the person you are with. This never is successful and you are only prolonging an inevitable breakdown of the relationship. As well do not pretend you are something you are not. This only becomes more difficult with time and in the end leads to a relationship based on poor foundation.
Finally don't be afraid of success. Fearlessly express yourself, your affection and have fun while doing it! There is no failure because relationships are not pass/fail scenarios. Each of us is a unique expression of beauty and love. If our alchemy is right we will fulfill each other's goals possibly over a lifetime. If not we have the incredible opportunity and experience to enjoy and appreciate romance with every moment.
